How it feels to be two genders at the same time

I’m genderfluid, and with that, sometimes I feel like two genders simultaneously. I am sure that a lot of people don’t know how this feels. This is my attempt to explain it.

When I feel bigender, it’s like I’m that picture with the silhouette of two heads and the vase. When I think of or look at myself, it can be quite different. I don’t see myself differently every single time I think about myself, but my perception and expression can change based on things like my mood or environment that it wouldn’t change with otherwise. Sometimes, however, I feel and see both femininity and masculinity in myself simultaneously. Imagine an image like this one. First, figure out both of the ways you can look at the picture. Then, try to simultaneously see both aspects of the picture. That’s how being two genders at the exact same time feels.

By contrast, when I feel completely one gender, I act like that gender and see myself as that gender 100% of the time. I will act more homogeneously during the day in terms of things influenced by gender, as opposed to those traits changing based on something like the environment I’m in.

I know this is a complex topic, but hopefully this post will help you understand this better.

I’m Ari, and my pronouns are they/them. If you have any constructive criticism, suggestions, etc., I would love to read it in the comments section.

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Using binary pronouns as a non-binary person

Note: This post’s perspective may be a bit off because despite running this blog, I’m actually not out to anybody in my life yet. (I’m going to change that soon, though.)

I currently use the pronouns they/them. This is a fairly common choice. However, I have sometimes seen non-binary people say that people can use binary pronouns on them as long as they switch what they use sometimes (i.e. sometimes use she/her, sometimes use he/him). This is usually in addition to a non-binary pronoun.

I can understand the appeal of this. As a person with a non-binary identity that has multiple genders (I’m genderfluid; this can apply to bigender, pangender, etc. too), I can empathize with the desire to have them individually recognized by others. (I was AMAB, and I’ve been misgendered as female exactly once, which was a moment I actually quite liked because it felt like the female part of my identity was being acknowledged when a lot of the time it’s suppressed.)

However, I can see some flaws with this that could arise with some people. (Don’t let me or anyone discourage you from using any kind of identity.) For one thing, if you’re genderfluid, the pronouns people use on you might not always align with how you’re feeling. Also, this method could cause confusion with you and others knowing when you’re being referred to as opposed to someone else. This is negated a lot by people’s ability to use context, though, which makes a larger difference than one might think.

Overall, this approach to pronouns has positives and negatives. I obviously can’t predict how well you would like it, but if you found out something new that you like, that’s great. I personally don’t do this right now, but I’m quite heavily considering it.

I’m Ari (they/them), and I would love to hear your comment.

What does genderfluid mean?

I’ve been a bit busy lately, so I didn’t write a post today. (I’m grateful to the scheduling feature of the blog software for allowing phantom-me to post for most of the time while I was busy.) However, I did write a page on the definition of genderfluidity.

Genderfluid is a name for a gender identity that, simply speaking, moves between multiple genders. This can be any number of any genders, and can happen very quickly, very slowly, or anywhere in between.

To read the more in-depth parts, check out the page here.

I’d love to hear your comment. I’m Ari and my pronouns are they/them.

How genderfluid and bigender are different

Note: this is from the perspective of someone who identifies as genderfluid, and is completely subjective, as is anything trying to define identities.

This is actually going to be rather short, as this is a fairly simple difference.

Genderfluid people’s gender changes with time, no matter how fast or slow, and no matter what or how many genders it goes to.

Bigender people are two genders, and it may change with time.

Genderfluid and bigender can be very similar. The key distinctions are that genderfluid people’s gender is changing in all instances, and bigender people’s gender is two genders in all instances. (bigender people, please correct me if I’m wrong about this)

In my case, I’m genderfluid, but with that, I’m bigender at some times. For me, when I’m bigender, I feel male and female simultaneously. (There is really no way to explain how it feels.) People who identify as bigender can feel two genders simultaneously like that, or drift between the two, similarly to genderfluidity.

Hopefully, I explained this well. Leave any comments you might have in the comments section, including any corrections you may have. I’m Ari, they/them.

Why genderfluid’s definition needs to include non-binary genders

It’s great to see genderfluid people represented and included in the media, online dictionaries, etc. However, an issue that I think people need to realize is that genderfluid people don’t only shift between female and male; we can also be other genders.

For example, in most instances, I feel what probably could be described as bigender, but sometimes I feel simply male. (I was AMAB.) I have only felt completely female on a few occasions. (The most notable of these was a couple years ago, when I felt quite female for a while, which led me to believe I was all-out MtF (male to female) trans, which turned out to not be right. Prior to that, I had felt 100% male. Afterwards, I slowly began realizing my gender identity as I know it now.)

I’m certainly not the only genderfluid person that is sometimes binary and sometimes non-binary. (or always non-binary.) If you search on Google, you can see other people who are like that posting online. And, if you read their posts, you’ll notice they’re usually by people confused by the popular, incorrect male-female definition of genderfluid. This is why we need a more inclusive definition of genderfluid.

As always, I would love to hear your constructive criticism, feedback, thoughts, and experiences in the comments section. You can call me Ari, and my pronouns are they/them.